I talk a lot about my weight loss, and what I have done to get here. I tend to gloss over, the weight gain, and what actually got me to the point where I needed to lose the weight to begin with. I have a million and one excuses as to why I ballooned to over 250 pounds, but I never really talk about the root cause, and what led me there. Why did it happen? How did it get so bad? What was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back to finally get me to see it? Truth is, it was a combination of many things that led me to being overweight, but the at the root of all of it, was me. I was the problem.
I grew up in a city. We played outside, all the time. From a very young age, my dad had my sisters and I involved in team sports. I mostly played soccer and softball, but also dabbled in track, tennis, cross country, and basketball, and did this all the way through high school. We weren't poor enough to want for anything but back in the 80's, words like: healthy, organic, and fresh didn't really exist. My mom cooked dinner daily, and it usually consisted of a protein, a canned vegetable, and a processed starch. Snacks, in our house consisted of cakes, chips, candy, pretzels, and ice cream, it was a different time. I moved my body so much back then though, that I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to, without consequence.
After high school, I worked at a gym as a receptionist, while not glorified, I did get to use the gym for free on my off hours. I also had access to all the personal trainers on staff, and in their free time they taught me how to lift weights. I then joined the United States Air Force, and when that didn't work out (another story for another day), I became a Corrections Officer at a maximum security prison. In the five years post high school, my body endured, Basic Military Training (BMT), Advanced Individual Training (AIT), and Academy Training. I had landed myself a job that required hours and hours of movement, and had access to a gym with all the fitness equipment. At 21, I was in the best shape of my life, then at 22, I got pregnant.
I wish I knew then, what I now know at 39, I would have had a totally different pregnancy, but I digress. I embraced that pregnancy, ate whatever I wanted, and stopped working out entirely. I ended up leaving my job at the prison, in order to pursue safer pastures, and wound up sitting at a desk all day. I went from moving my body several miles a day to a pretty sedentary lifestyle, fairly quickly. I gained 70 pounds that pregnancy, and really never worked any of it off. Life got more complicated after my son was born (obviously), and losing the "baby weight" was not at all a priority. I'd openly say things like: "I'm not done having kids, so no sense in trying to lose all the weight, to gain it all back" but it'd be another six years and 30 pounds before my second son was born, and his birth did not compel me to lose the weight either.
By the time my youngest son arrived in 2009, I was tipping the scales at 220 pounds. I spent the better part of the next 10 years following his birth trying every fad diet available, failing at them, then subsequently giving up all together. Finally, in 2018, I decided to embrace my bigger self. I bought her clothes, and makeup, shoes and and jewelry to make myself feel good. I stopped the fad diets, and just decided maybe if I intentionally move my body, it won't be so bad. It worked for awhile, I lost 25 pounds that year, and then I got lazy. As you know, i gained all that weight back and then some back to wind up at 257 pounds. In 2019 due to chronic pain, and after a very tough conversation with my doctor, I finally started prioritizing myself. At this current writing, I am down 70 lbs, so many inches, and have so much more knowledge about body weight, composition, exercise, rest, nutrition and even hydration.
The truth is a lot of thing got me to that number on the scale, but the biggest obstacle was myself. When I chose to change jobs during my first pregnancy, I thought I was doing so for all the right reasons, and look maybe I don't wind up where I am now without doing that, but it took me 15 years to recover from that decision. I went from an extremely active lifestyle to one that required me to be desk bound pretty quickly, and without thinking allowed myself to become inactive and unhealthy. I had to recover, and I am glad I did because I had to learn things along the way, tough things about physical health, about exercise, about not giving up or giving in but mostly, I had to learn about myself, and what I was capable of. Even though I have always loved myself, and I knew I was beautiful, and deserved good things, I was not putting that out into the universe, therefore it was not coming back in return. But, I started, and that's what counts. It all starts with one step, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. All these steps add up over time and create change, I had to do this for me. Will you do it for you?