December 6, 2020, the phone rang. I knew immediately it was the doctor calling to go over the results of my biopsy. Back in October, I found a lump, and given my family’s history with cancer, especially breast cancer, I didn’t hesitate to call my OB/GYN. A few days later, I had an appointment, and he didn’t seem overly concerned but ordered a mammogram and ultrasound just to be safe. After leaving my mind was a little more at ease, I was hoping that it was going to be nothing.
A whole month passed and finally on November 30, 2020, I arrived at my appointment, optimistic. It didn’t take long for that to change, after the radiologist reviewed my results, it was determined that the mass was indeed suspect, and I was scheduled for a biopsy the next day. Despite, my family history, and the results of the diagnostics, I did not let the "what ifs" consume me, it was the holidays and I was busy with shopping and decorating. There were only two people I confided in about the needing of a biopsy. The hope was they would be the only two to ever know, and I would not have to have any further conversations regarding it, even though the days waiting were long, I kept reminding myself, 80% of breast biopsies come back benign.
I took a deep breath, “hello”, I said. She asked if I had time to go over my results and the only thought that went through my head was: “of course I have time”, and then she said the words no one ever wants to hear, “unfortunately, it is cancer.” As I tried to process the last four words she just said to me, she continued to speak. I sat there numb occasionally saying "OK" until the conversation was over. Once we hung up, I sat for a moment in disbelief before the tears started flowing and I thought how I am ever going to tell my kids. It would be two more long days before I sat face to face with the doctor and until I knew anything else about my disease.
The day after receiving my diagnosis, I decided I had to tell my kids. Before I did that though I stopped by my big sister's house to tell her first. I sat across from her in her office while she typed on her computer and finally spoke the words, “I have breast cancer.” The look on her face is one that will forever be engraved in my memory. She calmly collected herself and initially asked what we know. I explained to her that we didn’t know much and that it wouldn’t be until the next days and following weeks until we learned more. Then she spoke "it is going to be OK, you are going to get through this and I will be here for you every step of the way." We hugged each other and then I said "alright now let’s go tell daddy.” His reaction was one of disbelief and shock, even asking if the doctor could be wrong. I left my sister’s house to head home and talk to my three sons, who as you can imagine were also in complete shock not knowing what to say or how to respond.
Yes, I’ve been diagnosed with cancer, but trust me, this is not the end of anything. In fact it is just the beginning of what is going to be the hardest fight FOR MY LIFE, I have ever had. At the time of this writing, I still do not have a full work up/diagnosis and am continuing to be tested and scanned till we have all the facts. I made the decision that I was going to fight before I was even given my diagnosis, that was the easy part, it is the fight that is going to be hard. I am not going to let this diagnosis define me nor will I sit around and feel bad for myself because having cancer is only a small part of who I am. Let the fight begin!! *ding ding*
An Entry by: Kimberly Keyser