Lately, my family counts by days. Sometimes forward, sometimes backward, just depends which way gives us a more positive outlook on what lies ahead. The last five weeks have been a bit of a blur, there's been a lot of information, followed by a lot of coordination, all to hurry up and wait. Five long Monday's ago, my sister stopped by for an afternoon visit. She sat in the chair next to my desk, looked me in my face and delivered the devastating news that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Less than 24 hours before, she was an everyday 36 year old mom, wife, and medical assistant, just living her life, and now cancer. With a smile on her face and a positive tone in her voice she said "we're going to fight this, I'm going to be o.k." And, as her big sister, holding back tears, and wrapping her up in a hug, I agreed with her. Of course she was going to fight this, of course, she was going to be o.k., she has to be. Together, we delivered the news to our parents and before she left I assured her, I had her back, and she wasn't going to walk to this path alone.
The following day begun what has become a long, arduous process of meeting with doctors, tests, and learning more. Due to Covid, no one has been allowed to accompany her to these appointments, but I do call in, I do take notes and I do ask questions in order to advocate for her and understand what exactly is going to happen. Also, so she can just listen, take it all in and process later. She has had all sorts of tests, ultrasounds, MRI's biopsies, PET scans, ect. and we still don't have a full workup, and for me that is the most frustrating part of the process. I like to know what we are fighting, before we fight it. Due to the results of her scans, it was recommended that she have some follow up testing, which was scheduled and subsequently cancelled due to her response to treatment. They have since been rescheduled but we still have another full week to get through before she even gets there, let alone gets results.
Despite all of this, last Wednesday, positive, upbeat, and ready to get this show on the road, she drove herself to chemotherapy, received her first treatment, and went home feeling optimistic as she had just taken her first step toward healing. She felt fine the following day but by Friday her body broke down. In one week she went from happy go lucky, positive fighter to writhing in pain constantly and consistently, and it is heartbreaking to watch. Since the pain has set in, she has been back to the oncologist for infusions to combat the aforementioned pain, keep her hydrated, and calm, three times, and forced into the emergency room for further care twice. To say it's been a long nine days, would be an understatement. But, she knows that even though this isn't right, and it's not fair that she can and she will get through this. For everyone's mental health we still have to stay positive, even in the suck. Besides my children, and my husband, my sisters are my world, them and their children mean everything to me, so when I told her she wasn't going to walk this road alone five Mondays ago, I meant it, she won't, I promise whatever she needs, I've got her back.
This year was supposed to be about discipline for me, showing up constantly and consistently and doing the work in my fitness and on the blog, but the universe seems to have different plans for me. While discipline is going to remain at the forefront, it's meaning may look a little different. I've come too far to give up on me and honestly working out has been a great distraction since all of this has landed in our world. I am going to be a little more quite over the next few months. (I know, weird, right? ) I need to be the tree right now, and root deeper in order for her to wither the storm. And, when the time is right, she's going to tell her story, not me! I'll be around, but in the meanwhile if you could please please please send all the good energy, vibes, thoughts, and prayers our way, especially hers, her husband's and her children. They need them ALL right now. This too shall pass because every storm does run out of rain.
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